She LOVED life, and it LOVED her right back.

As I was coming home from my mission, I had my life planned out perfectly.  I was going to get married that same year, I was going to graduate from school the following spring, I was going to be the best member missionary EVER, my life would be perfect, and that was that.

As you can all probably anticipate, things didn't go as planned.  I ended a marriage-bound relationship, my family started having way too many trials and challenges, I started working two jobs with no time to help the missionaries or even visit others, to put it simply; things were just a mess.  I found myself being sad, always thinking about my mission, wanting to go back to the "simpler" times when I only thought of others and not myself.   I started the classic questioning of, "why me?"  "why now?"  "what did I do wrong?"  I started to question, and I started to doubt.

One day I was scrolling through Instagram (guilty!) and I saw a post that really struck me.  It said:

                                           

"She loved life, and it loved her right back."

Love it.  Want to know why?  Well, we can break this phrase into two parts.  First: she loved life.  Second: it loved her right back.  I finally realized that I wasn't doing my part in loving my life, loving my circumstances, and still finding the good.  I was busy complaining and questioning when I should have been asking, "what can I learn from this?" or "what can I do to help those around me?"  I feel like we always hear talks about trials and what we should do, but it sure is hard to apply what they say during those tough times.  Life is hard, period.  We were sent here to be tested and tried.  But from all that testing and trying there comes a refined, more humbled, more Christ-like person. We must LOVE life, and love it unconditionally!  Then, like the second part says, life will start loving us back.  We will find the good, we will have joy!  This is the perspective the gospel gives us.  We know that all that is wrong can be made right through the atonement.  We know that we can rise above our circumstances and be better because of them.  We know that there is always good to come, no matter how dark and gloomy the future may see.

From that moment on, I have decided to change my attitude, and my perspective.  Though the trials I face are still the same, I know for a fact that I can get through them.  It is just another stepping stone on my path to conversion and to becoming better.  So, if that's the case.  Bring it on!!  Life truly is beautiful, and SO worth living.

Here is some awesome advice from Elder Busche (my friend's grandpa, woot woot!) that will help ANYONE and EVERYONE.

"Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks.  The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

 When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

In your life there have to be challenges.  They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you.  But you make the decision of which road you take. 

First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God.  If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness.  Don’t permit anything to detract you from this awareness. 

You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ. 

Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope.  Light will flow into your soul. 

Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane.  In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church. 

God knows that you are not perfect.  As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.

God knows better than you what you need.  He always attempts to speak to you.  Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us—everything will fall into its place.

Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin. 

When you cannot love someone, look into that person’s eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.

Never judge anyone.  When you accept this, you will be freed.  In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.

If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

 Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts.  If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm.  On the road toward salvation, let questions arise but never doubts.  If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts. 

Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words.  Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet.  Be aware of that as you enter places of worship. 

Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength.  In thoroughness is satisfaction. 

You want to be good and to do good.  That is commendable.  But the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost.  Then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do. 

The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment.  It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.

Be grateful for every opportunity to serve.  It helps you more than those you serve. 

When you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now.  But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better."

Trials Come in Threes....or Fives. But so do the Good Things.

Sometimes I have a hard time believing that I am as old as I am. That really is a dumb thing to say considering I am only 23-years-old. However, these were the thoughts that were flooding my mind as I stood above the escalators at the airport the day I came home from my mission. How on earth did I get there? And how on earth did time fly so fast? How could this well-anticipated year and a half of my life be over? The time I spent in the Canada Vancouver Mission was the pinnacle of my life so far, and I dreaded that it was over.

My worst fear was that I would come home and would somehow stop progressing. I had learned and grown so much, I assumed that I couldn't possibly continue at the rate I had on my mission. I prayed to God that He would help me to learn and progress and to change into the person He wanted me to become. What does that sound like? Without realizing what I was asking, in a sense, I was echoing the words of President Kimball when he said, "Lord, give me this mountain to climb."

No doubt, I have been abundantly blessed since returning home from my mission. The Lord has literally dumped blessings on me that helped me to get on my feet once the tag came off. However, I think I can safely say that it has been one of the most trying periods of my life.

While on my mission, my family experienced some serious trials. I was blessed on my mission to focus on the work, but coming home and finding out the extent of the situation staggered me a bit. As the months ticked by after being home, the situation began to worsen. I couldn't believe some of the things could be happening as our family had always been faithful and righteous. While the situation intensified, I also was surprised to find myself at the end of a dating relationship. We've all been there. With all that was happening, I threw all of my energy into training for a half marathon.

It felt so good to get out and let out some of my worries. I trained harder and faster than I ever had before. I was on top of my game, and I felt that I had things more under control. One day about three weeks before the race, I went on a longer run. Nothing too strenuous. However, shortly after the run, I started feeling a searing pain in the arch of my right foot. After several days of hobbling around, I decided to see a doctor. Sure enough, I had trained too hard, and had fractured my foot. Against the doctor's advice, I continued to plan ahead for my race. After all, the Lord knew how much it meant to me, He would help me run it, right? But after several days of wearing a boot (which my friend lovingly pointed out to me looks like a sandal version of a "Shape-Up" - every woman's dream) and getting a loving, but direct lecture from my earthly father, I backed-out of my race. I was bummed, but looked forward to what the Lord had next in store for me.

I found out later that week of another change in my course. Even before my mission, I had plans to attend BYU and enter into a specific competitive program. I had been experiencing second thoughts for a couple months, but continued with my plans since it had been what I had planned on doing for the last several years. A blow to my ego came when I found out that I didn't have all the credentials needed for the program. My second thoughts were confirmed, and for a moment I felt about as lost as a freshman starting from day one.

Around the same time I received this same news, I was slammed with an unfavorable army of stupid pathogens. It came with no mercy, and didn't leave me for weeks! On one particular sick day I lay helpless on the bathroom floor with only the support of the bathtub rim to prop up my face. I somehow managed to stagger through the hall, vision fading in and out, and fell in a heap on my bed. It was there I began to wonder if under the many blankets and pillows if perhaps I was invisible to God. How could all of these things be converging on me at the same time? All I wanted to do was to do the right thing, and I felt that everything was against me for this. I had just served with all my might on my mission, and this is what happened upon my return. Somehow, I was able to manage sitting at my desk a few hours a day at work. I visualized myself, and had to laugh at the pathetic prospect of me limping through the halls, boot on the right foot, constant tissues in my hand, nose red and peeling, and muttering the occasional "Hello" to those I was only sure wouldn't mistake my baritone for Tom Brokaw. As the sickness persisted, I felt more and more discouraged.

My parents were good enough on one of these particularly trying days to pay me a special visit at my apartment. My dad gave me a blessing, and it really opened my eyes to what my Heavenly Father saw me as - HIS DAUGHTER. Hello. Somehow, in all of this I had lost vision of who I really am in relation to God. The most powerful being in the universe. And because of that and because He loves me, I was having an Ether 12:27 moment. I remembered my desire to progress like I did as a missionary, and my heart softened and I was able to humble myself before the Lord. Now I can see the Lord in His wisdom guiding my paths. He has always been there to help me become what He intends for me to become...both on and off the mission. Nothing there has changed. President Uchtdorf in the April 2014 conference mentioned that we often associate hardships with "endings", but that is NEVER the Lord's intention. He only wants to bless us, but sometimes that requires a redirection of our paths to ensure that ultimate happiness.

Just like on my mission, I have full faith that the Lord is aware of each of us and what we need. Coming home from the mission hasn't been easy, but I know that it has also been a blessing. I know that my family will be okay. I know that my foot will heal. I am excited with the direction my new major will take me (even fulfilling more desires than the previous plan!). And even though I am single, I have been able to recognize just how blessed I am to have the best friends and family I could ask for. And I have been blessed with many opportunities to share the gospel with others. I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that loves us enough to continually allow things to happen to us that will eventually land us where we need to be. I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ which encompasses everything we lack and don't understand. The gospel is perfect, and so is God's will. Nothing will ever convince me otherwise, and I know this is true for every person who has, does, and ever will live. The Lord loves His children, and will always see to our eternal happiness.

The Not-so-Cookie-Cutter Mission

It's normal to plan out our lives in a cookie cutter way, go on a mission, come home and marry, have kids and be happy. If your plans don't work out, it doesn't mean they weren't good plans, it just means that God has something different in mind.

When I left on my mission to Quito, Ecuador in July 2012, I had the plan to work my hardest and make every second count, as most new missionaries do. It was rough, and sometimes I wasn't the missionary I wished I was, but I did love the work. About six months after arriving in Ecuador, I got sick and found out I had parasites (a bug that you would find in food that isn't so clean). This was a NORMAL thing for a missionary in Quito. I just took this weird pill they called the "Bomba" and I felt better after a week. A few months later I got sick again and they once again gave me my favorite "Bomba" pill. I guess the effects of this pill started to take a toll on my body. My immune system was really low and I kept getting infection after infection. Eye infection, urine infection, bladder infection, you name it. Eventually, President made me companions with the nurse (Jalynn already mentioned how Hermana Holbrook is the best...I concur). Still, the doctors were thinking I had parasites so I took some more of these pills. I started getting migraines and my body stopped handling food. It was then decided that I needed a colonoscopy, which, following that, I spent a week in the hospital. I lost a lot of weight and as much as I wanted to stay, I got a call from President Ghent during personal study one morning. He said, "I'm sorry Sister Harris, but you need to go home. I already informed your family and you flight leaves at 11pm".

This was not what I planned. I had planned perfectly how my life would go and this seemed to ruin it all. I had 11 months on the mission and I wanted to stay. There was so much to do, so many people to help and so many things to learn! You can imagine my thoughts. First, I searched for what I must have done wrong. I beat myself up for every time I had slept past 6:30 or missed my morning exercises. I thought I must have disappointed God in some way and he no longer wanted me to teach. Second, I thought about the real world and how on earth I could face it. I wasn't ready to go home and third, I worried what my family would think or if they would still think of me as the missionary they were proud of. Obviously...I was listening to the wrong influence. The adversary was putting these thoughts in my head.

The first week being home was not what I expected it would be. When the Stake President told me to take my tag off, I couldn't believe what was happening. As I walked out of his office, sad as could be, I ran into three sister missionaries who apparently teach in Spanish. I became their new unofficial companion. I went with them all the time in between super fun doctor's appointments. I know God put them in my path. He loved me, and I tried to remember that. He had a reason for me to be home whether I know it, don't know it, or never know it.
 

The hardest part of coming home early was that people wanted to talk more about why I came home, than to talk about how much I loved my mission. The focus was not on those 11 months of wonderful experiences but on the week of me in the hospital. I made it a goal to, along with telling people about my health improving, I would share an experience I had as a missionary in Ecuador.

I'm an RM. I was sent home early, but that doesn't change the fact that my experience as a missionary changed my life for the better. I LOVED MY MISSION!