Well, college life.
I’ll be honest, it was kind of weird coming back after such a long
time. I was a bit stressed the first
couple of weeks, but I can say that I’m now in the swing of things and I love
school. I have been SO blessed with
roommates. I was randomly placed with
them, so obviously I was a bit nervous as to who they would be. BUT! They are just what I needed, they are
fun, caring, righteous, and not to mention CLEAN! Ha, love it. I have a fabulous internship at an office
that I am in love with! I am helping
people each day, and educating them on something that is dear to my heart. I am busy, and feel like I’m going crazy all
day and then only have a few minutes to sit down and relax. But, being the RM I am, I have made sure to
have scripture study every day. I can
proudly say that I haven’t missed a day since school has started. It has been one of the biggest blessings in
my life, along with journaling my thoughts and feelings about my study.
What follows is the story that is going to
tell you WHY!
So, I think the majority of RMs can agree that you are a bit
socially awkward when you get home from your mission. You are overly attentive, you ask inspired
questions still, and only want to talk about the gospel. Sound familiar? Yeah, well story of my life, and I’ve been
home almost nine months! Anyway, to say
the least it has been a bit hard for me to get back into the social scene. The majority of my friends are either
graduated, married or on missions (but they are all starting to come home!
yeah! Go sister missionaries!). There
aren’t a whole bunch up here at USU. My
roommates have a group of friends that already knew each other really well, and
were all buds…so it was hard for me to kind of jump in the middle of all that
and be buds with them too. So,
darn. Things have been a bit hard. You know those moments when you walk into a
house, and everyone says hi to those around you, but not to you. Or someone says something and everyone laughs
because It’s an inside joke, and you don’t get it at all. Awkward.
So…these are kind of the thoughts and feelings that have been going
through my head. Am I important? Am I worth getting to know or being friends
with? Why is it so hard to be who you
are without being afraid of others judging you?
ETC! These feelings brought me
back to a time on my mission in my first area.
I went to Ecuador, and obviously I didn’t know Spanish at the
beginning. People were nice, and some
tried to talk to me and be kind, but they mostly just talked to my companion,
and didn’t really acknowledge me. I felt
TERRIBLE. I am a real sensitive person,
and I felt like me being there meant nothing, like what I was contributing to
the work meant nothing. Satan was really
working at me, and slowly conquering me.
I couldn’t talk to my companion, because she was Latin and there was a
major language barrier. The only person
I really had was the Lord. I knew he
understood me, no matter how bad my Spanish was. As I constantly spoke with him each morning
and night, and many times throughout the day, He became my friend. I trusted him with my feelings, with my
doubts. He was the only person I could
rely on. He helped me see what I had to
offer to the people of Ecuador. He
helped me remember that I was STRONG, that I was GOOD. He helped me remember that I was someone of WORTH,
someone to be RECOGNIZED and to be LOVED.
I realized that the only opinion that really matters to me is God’s. During this process and the time after, my
attitude totally changed. I found that it was easier to love people and to be kind
to them, because I knew they had their personal struggles, and though I
probably couldn't fully understand, God did, and I was representing him and his
Son. It became easier for me to talk to
people and not care what they thought about my Spanish, I was just me..and I
found out that people loved that.
These
past few weeks I have been reminded of this experience, and was trying to apply
this same attitude to my life, but it was hard.
I was doing my daily scripture study, and like the classic story goes, I
came upon a verse that was much needed at that time. Luke 12:7, “But even the very hairs of your
head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.” This scripture spoke to my soul! It reminded me that I should never, ever
fear! There are so many superficial and temporal things that I worry about, but
what I should really concern my time with is my relationship with the Lord,
what HE thinks of me. As I do that, just
as I have learned another time before, I am someone of WORTH. Someone of great, great VALUE.
I know without a doubt that God loves us. It is actually an amazing concept: he, being
a perfect person, loves us, mortal beings, with all our imperfections. He sees our potential, he sees what we have
to offer, the greatest barrier in life for us, is seeing ourselves the way he
sees us. Life can be hard, and we can
feel very insignificant, but I know that through prayerful daily scripture
study, we can get a glimpse of how he speaks to us, how he lets us know that we
are remembered, that we can improve, and that we can hope through the atonement
to let it make us better.
I am His Daughter: Nicole Sheahan
The photos
in the magazines
Don't
dictate who I'm supposed to be
The world
can't recognize, all that I am inside
But I know
in His eyes, I am a part of, the bigger picture,
There's so
much more to me
He helps me
see that I have so much to offer
I am His
daughter
He loves me
the way I am,
He's my
strength when I stand
He is my
King, and my Father,
I am His
daughter.
The people
on the TV screen,
The leaders,
rulers, and queens
I watch them
shape the world,
And though
I'm just a girl, I still know for sure,
That I am a
part of, the bigger picture
There's so
much more to me
He helps me
see that I have so much to offer
I am His
daughter
He loves me
the way I am,
He's my
strength when I stand
He is my
King, and my Father,
I am His
daughter
And when I'm
feeling small,
And
wondering if I'll ever, find courage to stand tall
Through His
love I remember
There's so
much more to me
He helps me
to see that I have so much to offer
I am His
daughter
He loves me
the way I am
He's my
strength when I stand
He is my
King, and my Father,
I am His
daughter
