I came home the last week of April from serving a mission in Quito, Ecuador. I got set apart on a Saturday afternoon by President Paulsen of the Kingwood Texas Stake and I remember thinking, "Wait that's it?! I feel the same." Haha well it is true--the power remains for all those that live worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. I never thought of it that way though. But, how motivating is that? We are all entitled to POWER from on high if what we see, hear, say, and think is congruent with the standards of the Lord. And we keep our covenants. That may seem like a lot, but it really is simple. Sometimes we make things complicated (or at least I do). There are two options. Choose God or choose anyone or anything else. And choosing God means ultimately choosing lasting peace and well, exaltation. I definitely want that. Following my setting apart, I get home and I feel this great big wave of exhaustion just kind of smash into me. Emotional, physical, and spiritual exhaustion. I slept a goodly amount the first couple weeks of being home. And read some good books. I definitely needed rest. And lots of it. After a few weeks of visiting and doing the basics (eating, sleeping, exercising, and reading scriptures) I started to feel better. What is truly incredible is about 3 days after being home I laid hands upon about 4 books that have changed the course of my life.
I can say with certainty that the Lord is aware of our needs. Of MY needs. He knows what I need to do and experience in order to fulfill the mission He has for me here on the earth. How incredible it is to know that we each have specific and unique talents and a specific mission that we are to accomplish here and now. My friend Ryan Miller recommended I read a powerful talk when I was deciding to serve a mission. The talk is called "What is Your Mission?" by John H. Groberg. After reading this talk it was confirmed to be yet again that serving a full-time mission was a part of my mission here on Earth. As I came home I wondered what is next. On my mission I hadn't thought much about the future but from time to time I was presented with ideas as to my future spouse, children, and career--which motivated me all the more. But, what now? It was clear the Lord wanted me to work on myself the moment I got home. Work on healing myself. Becoming whole. One of the books I found and read is called, "Healing the Inner Child" by Charles L. Whitfield. I signed up for classes at BYU for the Summer term and began doing random jobs to save up money. I found myself a few times just balling. In my past I have had the tendency to simply work away my troubles. Something's hard? Go to work. Is it still hard? Work harder. Is it still hard? You must be doing something wrong. Obviously, this pattern of thinking is not very healthy. I discovered a number of emotions that had simply been stuffed under the "hard work." Wow, He really wanted me to uncover and heal my own wounds. Life is full of lots of surprises. Especially when you come home from a mission :).
Why does it matter though? If we get by "just fine" living the way we are? Well, I became extremely motivated as I thought about my future family. If I am not whole myself, I in no way can offer what my husband and children need. Do they not deserve me in my entirety? And what's sad is most of the time we are completely unaware of our broken-ness. There are many parents who look to their children to get their needs met (to be made whole), or wives who want to feel complete from their spouses or husbands from their wives, etc. It's sad. But most of us live in ignorance to these things--deep down in the subconscious.
I want to be whole. It's my responsibility to be whole independently (or with the help of the Savior). It's a painful process. Healing involves humility, trust, and suffering, but the result is more than worth it.
An amazing BYU devotional that has really helped me understand this process is called:
"Healing = Courage + Action + Grace" by Jonathan G. Sandberg
Time flies. I have been home more than three months now. I loved serving a mission. Mostly, I loved testifying of the restored truths, and inviting everyone to learn of them. Truths are constant and never change. When we live them we are happy. There is so much to learn and live..now!
Also, I am so grateful for the knowledge I gained from reading the scriptures and really studying the doctrine of Jesus Christ. It's not something that comes over night. I experienced a lot of challenging times on my mission. Sometimes I wondered how much more I could do. But I know that to become as the Savior and become one with Him, we must at least taste a small part of the suffering He endured.
With that I'll add, Suffering + Faith = Conversion. How marvelous it is to have difficulties in our lives! These are what propel us to change and become who we are destined to become.
Here is a picture of me at the Quayaquil temple at the end of my mission.
Until next time. Life is to be enjoyed!
Sarah
